Gateway to His Heart
by Tigyr
Summary: Thom E Gemcity is having a meet the author contest. Who will be the ultimate winner for a dinner with Thom. Who will find the gateway to Tim's heart? This story was written prior to the episodes where we met Tim's father.
1. Chapter 1

**The Gateway to His Heart**

**Set somewhere in season five between Dog Tags and Judgment Day.**

**Win a date with award winning Author Thom E. Gemcity**. _To enter, applicants need only find the book(s) with the silver ticket inside. Only ten tickets have been issued, so hurry out to your favorite bookstore and find your chance to win. See official contest rules on the winning tickets. All proceeds from the sales will go to the families of federal agents that have fallen in the line of duty. _

Tim sighs as he re-reads the current publicity gimmick set up by his publisher. There is only one person he wants to date and he's not about to set his heart on that person wanting him back. Still he signed the agreement knowing that the publicity will help sales on his newest novel. This latest rendition he's dedicating to those friends he's lost over the years, Chris Pacci, Caitlyn Todd and most especially Paula Cassidy and her team.

He's agreeing to it primarily to help set up the fund he's trying to set aside for fallen NCIS agents. After all it had only been a grace of God that had kept Team Gibbs from being the ones that were killed the day that Paula's team died. That and maybe a Gibbs' gut instinct to switch weekends. Hollis Mann could have been part of Gibbs wanting the weekend off, but Tim has worked with the man for over four years now and isn't sure that the boss didn't get one of his hinky feelings that allowed the team the weekend off.

For his own part Gibbs is watching the youngest male member of his team. Something is bothering the kid and not for the first time he wishes Tim would feel comfortable enough to come talk to him. He knows that Tim talks to Ducky so he heads downstairs to look for the M.E.

Palmer is cleaning one of the autopsy tables when Gibbs steps off the elevator. This young man is almost more geeky than Tim in ways, and Gibbs has to smile as the assistant tells him that Ducky is in his office finishing up some paperwork on their latest visitor.

"Ahh, Jethro, to what do I owe this visit?" There's a moment of silence before Gibbs responds.

"He won't talk to me Duck."

Ducky looks his friend in the eye and shuffles over to lock the office door.

"What is wrong Jethro? I've never seen you so unsure of anything before."

"What is wrong with me that he can't come talk to me? The others think nothing about it. They've all come to me at some point after they've joined the team; yet he won't talk to me." Gibbs

"I take it you mean Timothy? Oh, don't look so surprised Jethro; after all, you usually come to me after you talk with them. Timothy is the only one we haven't talked about over the past few years. Or should I clarify that by stating that you've talked about him, but not that he's been to talk to you?"

"So what is it Duck? Why won't he trust me with his troubles?"

"Trust goes both ways my friend. Did you trust any of us with knowledge about Shannon and Kelly? Mmm, yes, that rankles me to this day, but still, you never told anyone, especially me and I am your best friend. "

"But Ducky, it's McGee. He talks to just about everyone."

"No, not really Jethro not when it comes to the important things. He's a lot like you in that respect Jethro. Very close to the chest when it comes to personal or family matters. Something you might keep in mind for the future."

With those cryptic words, Ducky opens his door and ushers Gibbs out, clearly finished with his side of the conversation. Gibbs sighs as he heads back upstairs. Once in the squad room he looks around and finds his three agents studiously working at their keyboards, finishing up their reports. Well, Tony and Ziva are; Gibbs knows that Tim finished his report almost a half hour ago, so what has the young man so troubled?

"McGee, my office, now."

"Gee, Probie did you forget to tell him about the latest promotional gimmick?"

Tim gulps as he pales and hustles over to Gibbs side. Once in the elevator Gibbs throws the switch and waits.

"I—I what's wrong boss?"

"Why don't you tell me McGee? Obviously something has your knickers in a twist as our Scottish friend would say."

Tim blushes faintly as he holds out the contract for his latest book. In it, the agreement to the contest for a date with the author. Gibbs can tell that it's just a copy of the agreement as it was signed a good three months prior.

"I'm not sure I want to do the dating thing now, boss. I'm just not comfortable with it. But it's for a good cause. The money from this latest book will go to help other families, NCIS families."

"Is the book still based around our team?"

Tim sighs as he slowly shakes his head then nods, "It is but it isn't. I still took events that we've worked on but I put them into a new team. I actually introduced the team in Rock Hollow. In this book the Tibbs team is basically just doing cameo roles while the new team comes into play."

Gibbs thinks to the final chapters of Tim's last book and the cast of characters that had been sketchily introduced. He nods in approval then looks at Tim who still looks miserable at the thought of the contest and the upcoming date. Or is it something deeper? Could Tim be in love with someone here? He wouldn't have thought so, but then again it is McGee. Who had once dated Abby…

"Are you worried about rule # 12?"

Tim blushes and for the first time Gibbs wonders if he's on the right track when Tim shakes his head no. "I—this person doesn't know I exist boss. For now, it's probably best that they don't. I wouldn't want to disappoint them."

"Why would any woman be disappointed by winning a date with you Tim?

Tim mumbles something that Gibbs can't hear and he puts a hand on Tim's shoulder as he repeats his question. For the first time in the four years that Gibbs has known him, Tim avoids his gaze.

"McGee?

"I can't tell you boss. Please, don't ask me again." The pleading in those green eyes sets Gibbs gut to churning. Who or what could so affect his agent? Then he thinks about how Tim phrased his plea…don't ask/don't tell is still in effect especially at NCIS. He nods thoughtfully as he flips the switch and the elevator goes into motion.

Later that evening:

Leroy Jethro Gibbs opens the inside cover of the book he'd pre-ordered months ago and that had arrived that very afternoon. Just inside the dust jacket is a silver ticket stating _Win a Date with Thom E. Gemcity. All ticket winner(s) must submit one_ _paragraph stating why they deserve to win a date with the author to the email address below. Ten will_ _enter but only one will win. Just one paragraph per entry will be allowed and the winner will be informed via email. _Gibbs growls under his breath as he looks at the publishing firm's email address. He picks up the ticket and heads out the door.

If Ducky is surprised to see Leroy Jethro Gibbs on his doorstep a few hours later, he makes no comment. Instead he welcomes the other man inside and watches in concern as the younger man starts wearing a path in his carpet. Finally he steps in front of Gibbs asking what has him so upset.

"The contest…it's…she's not rigging it…I saw two email entries come in when I was there."

Ducky looks appropriately surprised then asks, "Why is this bothering you Jethro? We both know that even though you've been in love with that young man for years you've never let him know. Or is it the fact that you love him and now see him slipping through your fingers?"

"I don't know…I do know that he's either dating someone or wants to and knowing McGee's head, he'll be seeing it as cheating on that person."

"You could always go and tell him. Oh that's right…don't ask/don't tell…something tells me Leroy Jethro Gibbs that if you don't tell him…you could lose him. And that ticket could be your introduction. It's time to tell him Jethro. Let the ticket be your gateway to Timothy's heart."

"A gateway?"

"Hmm…that could be a nice phrasing in an introductory paragraph now couldn't it?"

Gibbs looks at Ducky who returns the look with a serene smile.

"Can I use your computer Dr. Mallard?"

"Oh but of course Agent Gibbs…of course."

Gibbs sends the paragraph to the email address then stares at Ducky with suspicion dawning in his eyes. After all the talks he's had with the older man, especially in regards to Tim, this contest is beginning to look a bit fishy…or is it a bit Ducky?

"You didn't have anything to do with that contest did you Duck?"

"Jethro! How preposterous of you to think so! Although it would make a wonderful story idea. I must jot that down!"

"Don't even think about writing it down." growls Gibbs as he stalks out the door. He doesn't see the warm yet sly smile behind him or hear the rapid retreat as Ducky picks up his phone and calls a certain number.

"Is everything proceeding to plan my dear? Excellent…yes, yes, he was just here…oh I completely agree. Yes I have called them and they are ready to send; are you ready to have Timothy receive them? Did you like Gibbs' entry? I thought you might and thank you for suggesting the word prompt. Sometimes that's all we need to get a story going…or in this case a date."

Ducky had been approached by Lyndi several months earlier when the woman had noticed that while Tim's writing has improved, his general attitude towards himself had taken a bit of a beating. Wanting reassurance that her newest ploy hadn't contributed to Tim's lower self-esteem, she'd contacted Ducky.

"Tim had agreed to the contest just prior to the release of Deep Six. If that book and the one after it were successes, we'd have a contest during the release of his third book. We loosely based the contest around the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Tim loved the idea that he could meet one of his fans. But he was also adamant that there had to be limits: the first being able to screen applicants via one paragraph to be written to him, explaining why that person should be allowed to date him; be able to enter the gateway to his heart."

Ducky too had seen the sudden lack of self-esteem and started asking subtle questions whenever Tim would come down. One thing the doctor has noticed is the jumpiness whenever Gibbs was around which is Ducky's main reason for believing Timothy to be in love with the lead agent.

The only real fly in the ointment so to speak has been Gibbs own attitude towards Timothy. He'd thought that the two were making a bit of headway after Gibbs had talked to the younger man when Tim's sister Sarah had been accused of killing that poor young sailor just last year.

That however had been before the release of Rock Hollow; before Abigail had been endangered by a crazed fan of Tim's writing. And before Timothy was forced to take in the dog, the one that Abigail named Jethro. The same one that had mauled Tim's arm and throat.

That was when Ducky decided it was time to step in. After all he'd seen Timothy just after the dog attack and had been genuinely surprised that the younger man could take in an animal that almost killed him. He'd asked Tim about it and the young agent admitted that he'd been terrified of taking the dog, but more afraid of letting down the man beside him.

Ducky had been confused at first but then realized that Gibbs must have been with Tim when Abby had approached him with the idea. And since Abigail is Gibbs favorite, Tim had gone along with taking the dog in; not because he'd wanted to, but because he hadn't wanted to let Gibbs down yet again.

Ducky immediately called Lyndi and asked her if she'd be willing to assist him with Tim actually gaining his confidence back. The woman had agreed and the two had started conspiring.

Several days had passed and it was during a football game that Ducky had seen a chance to ask Gibbs how Timothy was doing.

"What do you mean Duck? He appeared fine to me."

"Mmm…maybe, Jethro. I just wondered how it could be possible that Timothy could take in an animal that almost killed him."

"Didn't think about it Duck."

"Why not Jethro? I thought you said you liked Timothy?"

"I like him just fine Duck, and he knows that he can come to me if anything was wrong."

"Oh he does, does he? But Jethro, you just showed him that you don't care one whit for him."

"When was that?"

"When you allowed him to take in the dog that mauled not just his arm, but his throat, or have you forgotten the injuries he sustained before getting the dog?"

Gibbs hadn't said a word, but Ducky hadn't missed the slight swallow as Gibbs reviewed the case in his head. Nor had he missed the way Gibbs left during the halftime and not come back home until the game was almost through the third quarter.

That had been almost a month ago. Things have been going a bit smoother now, and Ducky contacted Lyndi with the next step in their plan. To have Lyndi remind Tim about the contract agreement.

"Shall we update it a bit Ducky, since it's been a while?"

"Or just remind him that he agreed to it. Only this time, we'll have our own little twist in there my dear."

Lyndi listens to his suggestion and her romantic heart starts thumping at the idea presented to her. She nods in complete agreement and makes the arrangements at not only the publishers but also the distributors. The night before Tim's latest book is released, ten particular books go out to ten people…seven of whom have been informed about the actual reason behind the contest. Seven of whom grin when they get a phone call from a particular grey haired medical examiner. All seven submit emails that they know would hold no interest at all to a certain author.

Tim wakens the morning the contest is supposed to end and finds himself nose to nose with a snoring German shepherd. He hugs the dog before heading into the shower. Once he's finished showering and dressing, he whistles and chuckles as he sees Jethro McMutt McGee is sitting by the front door, leash in mouth waiting for his own morning routine to start.

"Silly mutt, okay let me grab the phone…I'm sure Crawshaw will have posted the winners by now…"

They head for the park and as soon as he lets Jethro off the leash Tim accesses his email account. Like he'd predicted, the ten contest winners have been forwarded from Lyndi in an email to Tim's account. It was the one thing he'd insisted on: no one would get his private email address.

Lyndi has put something else in the email as well: she highlighted the one paragraph entry that she thought showed the most promise. Tim sighs as he reads through the entries. Most of them are the typical, "Oh I love how the characters…or I love your books…or marry me Thom E…"

The last one though catches his eye and he has to grudgingly agree that it is the most promising of the ten entrants.

"I'm not sure I will win a date with Mr. Gemcity. I do think that if we went on a date it could be a pathway of sorts. It might end up being a gateway as it were into something new; something promising for both of us. My only concern on winning is that he would be disappointed to find himself on date with a man."

Tim thoughtfully re-reads the last entry. He hasn't told anyone about his latest dreams and fantasies although he has alluded to them in his chats with Ducky. He grins at the thought of Ducky being his date. That could be a night of story-telling all right, even if Ducky isn't the man of his dreams.

Tim sighs as he dials and tells Lyndi that he agrees with her selection. Crawshaw winks at Ducky as he slips into her office just as Tim is telling her his final decision. She puts on her most concerned voice, "Are you sure about this Tim? I don't want to have Agent Gibbs come storming into my office if your date ends up being someone particularly nasty. He kind of scared me the last time he was in here."

Tim not knowing about Gibbs visiting the publisher before the contest started, can only surmise that she's referring to the false letters she'd sent in an effort to get Rock Hollow more publicity.

"I've already shown Gibbs the contract and told him that I'm okay with it. Who knows, this could be a night to remember."

"I'm sure it will be Tim. I'm sure it will be. Now, I'm going to send that email, letting your winner know where and when to meet you."

Tim gives a faint sigh as he says goodbye and Lyndi turns to Ducky with a thumbs up. The two conspirators then set the next phase of their plan into motion: getting two stubborn men who care about each other to go out on a date.

When Tim heads into his local bookstore, the clerk behind the counter asks him if he'd made his decision yet, in regards to the contest. Tim swallows and admits that he does have a winner in mind, but that according to his contract, he's not allowed to say.

"I want to have a private date with the winner and I can't do that if the media are there."

Of course, Tim has no way of knowing that the clerk is actually one of Lyndi's aides. She calls Lyndi letting the woman know that Tim is on his way in. Lyndi smiles as she looks at the man standing by the window of a small restaurant in Georgetown.

"You do know that he'd have agreed to meet you anywhere."

"I know."

"Alright, I'll let you two have a quiet night then. Congratulations again on winning your date. Hello Tim, he's waiting for you inside."

"Lyndi? I wanted to give you this, for keeping it quiet. I know that it's not that easy to do sometimes." Inside is a rare copy of a book, one that Lyndi has been trying to find for her daughter to take with her when she goes into college. She looks up with tears in her eyes, only to find the door behind her closing as Tim takes a deep breath to meet his date for the night.

Silver hair, silver-blue eyes, and a trim body with a rare smile greet him as the man at the window turns around.

"Boss?"

"Not tonight Tim; tonight it's Jethro or Gibbs."

A/N: Ten books but only seven people...has the cat lost the ability to count?

Not really: Tony, Ziva, Abby, Palmer, Jenny, Cynthia and Sarah. Well, we know that Ducky gets the eighth…and he's one of the instigators as is Lyndi, who as publisher would automatically get the ninth book. Which leaves the tenth book for Gibbs.


	2. Chapter 2

Gateway Part 2

(Gibbs POV)

Well, if nothing else, my date for tonight does know how to treat his dates well. I had been expecting…I don't know what I was expecting, certainly not an almost darkened, enclosed room, with a spectacular view of the Potomac. When Thom E. Gemcity wants privacy, he gets it. The door closes and I sigh as I turn from the window.

_Boss?_

_Not tonight Tim, tonight it's Jethro, or Gibbs_.

The words come out unbidden and I watch as he slowly enters the room; stepping closer and closer. Disbelief is clearly written in those emerald green eyes; almost as if he's expecting Tony or Ziva to pop out of the walls shouting "Surprise!"

"We don't have to go through with this boss. I won't hold it against you if you want to leave."

I am shocked when he says it and then I see what I've been missing. Then I see that shyness I'd seen weeks ago when I confronted him in the elevator. Asked him what was wrong and he'd asked me not to ask anymore questions. Boy for being so damned observant I'd sure missed all the signs with that one.**_ I_ **am the one he's been thinking of.

"I signed up for a date with Thom E. Gemcity. Are you going to deny me that privilege?"

The gentle reminder brings his gaze to mine. I watch as his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows, and shakes his head.

"Ijustdontwanttodisappointyou."

That's the endearing man that I fell in love with years ago. The one who tries so hard to please, and is so scared that he won't be able to.

"I didn't catch all that." I can see his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows and replies.

"I—I just don't want to disappoint you…that's all." The shyness, the uncertainty and doubt in his voice give me a complicated set of emotions from anger and frustration to sudden understanding and a desire to make him see himself as more than the person he sees in his mirror.

"A nice restaurant with a private room and beautiful view; what's disappointing about that?"

"Who you're actually sharing a meal with?"

Smack!

"Thought I told you that I'm the one who signed that email; not Tony or Abby or Ducky, although I smell his hand in all this; I'm the one who wanted this evening Tim. It doesn't matter if it's with Tim or Thom, as long as you want the evening too."

"More than you'll ever know…" the reply is soft, but I still manage to hear it. I smile as I think about more evenings that we could share, if he'll let us get past this one. I go back to where I was when he first entered the room.

"Tim, join me at the window."

He does so, confusion on his face. Once again I turn to face him, only this time, I speak first.

"Mr. Gemcity, I'm Jethro Gibbs; nice to meet you in person."

We shake hands and I feel the tremors start leaving his body. He can do a role-play; then we'll take it one step at a time with the role-play. He clears his throat, and says, "The pleasure is mine, Jethro…or do you prefer being called Gibbs?"

"Either way is fine with me, Thom."

"Please, my real name is Tim."

"Nice to meet you, Tim."

"You too, Jethro, you too…have you looked at the menu yet?"

"I was too busy admiring the view. I have to admit that for being in a restaurant, you'd never know it. I don't smell any of your typical restaurant smells, especially for being in an enclosed room."

"I know, it's one reason that I like coming here, aside from the view that is."

I turn to face him in surprise. How does my agent, even a celebrated author, afford a restaurant of this high quality, and with an enclosed room with a spectacular view?

"Have you been holding out on me?"

He actually laughs and I see a faint blush cover his cheeks yet again.

"No, I don't make a habit of this, b- Jethro. I just, the owner is a personal friend of a friend. The restaurant itself isn't actually opened yet…we're its first official guests."

A knock at the door and Tim walks over and whoever is beyond my sight says something I can't hear but gives him some confidence that I couldn't. I almost growl with jealousy when I catch sight of a pretty blonde with twinkling blue eyes.

"Gibbs, come meet our hostess for tonight. Holly, this is Jethro Gibbs; he's the winner of the contest I was telling you about."

I can see a wedding ring on her finger when she holds out her hand. "Welcome Mr. Gibbs to the Knotted C. My name is Holly Thorpe and I'm the manager of this branch of the Knotted C."

I shake hands with her as she then hands us new menus to look through. "Thom, when you're ready to order just pick up the phone in the corner. Mr. Gibbs, it was nice meeting you; and congratulations on your winnings. Gentlemen, please feel free to call upon our staff if you need anything else."

There in the corner is a small booth, just big enough for a couple to fit into. How I missed seeing two glasses of water and a small bowl of wrapped, warm bread is beyond me. As we sit down, the lights gradually fade until all that's left is a faint glow from the small lights behind us and the light at the table itself.

"If it's too dim, I can adjust the lighting Jethro."

"Not too much, Tim, just enough to read the menu."

Tim adjusts the small lights with a knob that he's found near the table's edge. As they gradually brighten, I see that he's relaxing more and more. He's accepting our date as just that…a date.

I find myself grunting in surprise when I see some of the menu items. Things I haven't seen since I was a Marine overseas. I point to some obscure item and Tim nods.

"They can make anything that's on the menu. The owner of the Knotted C restaurants used to be in the military. Most of the employees will be either wounded or retired military, or even those who are still active but want to do something with their down time while they are home."

His matter of fact tone tells me that he's done some research before we ever got this far. I touch his hand and he looks at me but doesn't pull his hand away.

"How do you know about this place McGee?"

He sighs and looks at our hands, before lightly touching my ring finger; the ring finger that no longer bears Shannon's ring. His emerald green gaze comes up to meet mine, but I have a finger to his lips as I repeat my question.

"How do you know about this place, Tim?"

"My dad was one of the first employees in the first one ever built." Is his quiet admission.

"What? How?"

"Not tonight Jethro; if you want to know more I'll explain at a later date. For now, I'd like to enjoy a good steak and shrimp meal. Do you want the same, or would you like something different?"

"Steak and shrimp is fine with a salad, not soup and baked potato; and a beer, a long tall cold beer."

The orders are placed and within twenty minutes we're both enjoying steaks cooked to perfection. After the meal, as we're sitting in the booth, I realize that despite a rocky start, we've had a good meal. We're still holding hands although I don't think Tim's cognizant of that yet, and I'm comfortable sitting here with him. Tim turns to look at me, his head lolling against the back of the booth.

A shy and slightly embarrassed smile graces his face and I can't help asking, "What is it?"

"I was just hoping that you're not too disappointed. I didn't plan much beyond this stage. A meal with some conversation and then if you needed one, a ride home."

"Let me guess, the restaurant has a concierge service."

Tim blushes and nods but then says, "I'd be willing to take you home though; if you wanted me to."

As part of the date, I'd had a limo come and pick me up before dropping me at the doors of the restaurant. So I did need a ride home and I nod. Tim picks up the phone and tells whoever is on the other side that he won't need their services. He then dials another number and tells Holly that we're going to be a few minutes before coming down.

"Jethro, would you mind if I asked you a question?"

"Sure Tim, what is it?"

"Why did you want to come on this date?"

Of all the questions he had to ask…and I still don't know how to answer that one. I look up and he's the one by the window. The window…and Tim's eyes are definitely windows into his soul…I get up and walk over to him.

"Maybe I still want to open that one window to your soul that is so open to everyone else, but shuttered when you see me. I'm as much to blame; I'm not that easy to read and I damn sure don't like letting people in."

"Then why do this, to either one of us?" the pleading in those green eyes to help him understand is almost more than I can bear.

"Because, I—I was afraid of losing you to someone else. I wanted this to be our chance to find out if we could be more than just Gibbs and McGee. More than just a boss and his agent; I wanted to find out if that ticket truly could be a pathway to your soul, or maybe a gateway to your heart."

The breath whooshes out of him and I can tell I've said the right thing. His hand once again is enveloped in mine and I bring our hands up to my lips as I say, "Let's finish our date; take me home Tim."


	3. Chapter 3

Gateway to His Heart—Chapter 3

**A/N: This is entirely Tim's point of view **

I have to admit that I almost turned around when I saw Gibbs standing by the window. There have been so many times that I've been the butt of one of Tony's jokes and was afraid that tonight was going to end up the same way. I offered him a way out, which he denied.

He then reminded me that he was the one who had sent in the email and then Gibbs surprised me by going through a quick role play. I hadn't expected that of him and it helped me understand him a little bit more. See him as a human more than that person I'd put on a pedestal years ago. Oh he's tumbled off of it, several times but…my heart is not always as wise as my head wants it to be. And my heart was lost to this man a long time ago.

We talked for a bit then I touched the small beeper on my waist to let our hostess know that we were almost ready to eat. We eat in a leisurely silence and I am so relaxed by the time our meal ends that when I sit back against the booth I almost forget that he might need a ride home. After all, the winner was supposed to get a free limo ride to and from the restaurant as well as a chance to talk to me. I hadn't planned on anything else happening after that. And then I just had to open my big mouth and blurt out the one question that has been on my mind all night.

"Why did you want to come on this date?"

I walk over to the window, not sure I want to hear what his reply will be. It's a few more seconds before he follows me and then he says the last thing I ever expected to hear from him.

"'_Maybe I still want to open that one window to your soul that is so open to everyone else, but shuttered when you see me. I'm as much to blame; I'm not that easy to read and I damn sure don't like letting people in_.'"

I couldn't help it when I could feel myself pleading with him; almost begging him to tell me more. When he admits to wanting to find that gateway to my heart and then brings my hand up to his lips I almost feel my knees buckle. Then he asks me to finish our date by taking him home.

For a moment I think he's actually disappointed in me, and then I see the look in his eyes. He's almost as afraid of the night ending as I am. I slowly nod and we walk out to the private garage where my friend has once again anticipated my needs.

A private limousine not associated with Crawshaw or the publishing agency is waiting for us; and the driver admits that she's under specific instructions for two destinations. It's up to us to choose if we want to go straight back to Gibbs' house or is there another destination that as my guest he has in mind. To my surprise he asks the limo driver if we can just have a leisurely drive for the next few hours, preferably along the seaboard.

We get inside the limo and I notice for the second time that night that he's not wearing his wedding ring; the one that he'd exchanged with Shannon. I hate myself for the slight jealousy I feel. He'd lost his first family after all.

And then to my horror of horrors hear myself asking, "Is it because of our date?"

He doesn't pretend to misunderstand the question. Instead he takes my hand and caresses it. He kisses my knuckles and a shiver of electricity starts at my toes as he slowly runs a finger around my ring finger; it is almost like he is taking a measurement.

Silver blue eyes stare into mine as he states that he'd taken off his ring when he realized just how much he wanted to be on this date.

"No ghosts between us Tim; just you and me on a first date."

"You didn't have to do that Jethro. I know that Shannon and Kelly meant a lot to you."

"Mmm…my first love. We met in Stillwater, did you know that?"

"Will you tell me about her? About them?"

He does and the next hour is filled with stories about Shannon and Kelly. Some of the places they went to as a family; the sorrow he always felt whenever he had to go back overseas. The horror on finding out that they were killed while he was in Afghanistan. The anger and subsequent revenge on finding their killer.

The quiet pride in his voice when he tells me about just joining NIS and then getting his own team and formulating it to his standards.

Then comes the moment I've been waiting for, and dreading. When he looks me in the eye and asks me, "What are you hiding Tim? Why are you so afraid of me? What has you so afraid that you can't come to me when you need my help? Why can't you talk to me? Especially when I've just bared my soul to you. "

He takes my hands and stares at me, blue eyes earnestly gazing into mine. I try not to break down but he's right; he has just opened up and told me some of his deepest secrets. Secrets that I don't think even Ducky knows.

"Talk to me Tim. What happened with your father? How can you have such deep ties to that restaurant and its owners when it's not even open yet?"

I sit back against the seat, struggling to control my emotions especially my tears as memories of the past start unraveling. I pull and yank on the door handle needing to escape; I can feel something similar to claustrophobia washing over me. Thankfully the car is already at a standstill as I open the door and start running.

Gibbs doesn't bother wasting his breath calling out my name. I'm not even aware that he's keeping pace until I finally slow down and sink to my knees. I can feel the sand under my hands and then Gibbs sits next to me and pulls me into his arms. I try halfheartedly to escape, but then he whispers, "Talk to me, Tim; help me to understand."

I lean against him and for the first time in almost five years I can feel the stuttering start. I swallow hard, and take a few deep breaths as I collect myself. Gibbs is at his most patient right now as he runs a hand over my hair, waiting for me to tell him what he needs to know.

"I—I need you to know that…it's not really you that I'm afraid of. Rather, it's a reflection of what…oh hell."

Patience, while thy name is not usually Leroy Jethro Gibbs, tonight it is. He stays silent, letting me gather my thoughts without the usual head smack or snarky comment.

"Our basement, much like yours, was the place that dad went to think or to drink. Only he didn't do much of either when he was down there and one morning he didn't come back upstairs. I remember mom keeping her voice steady as she called the police letting them know that dad had disappeared; the snarky tone of the policeman's voice as he took mom's statement and then nothing. We waited for the phone to ring from this hospital or that, but it would be another two years before we would hear from him and then it was by accident that we found him."

I can hear Gibbs intake of breath as he immediately realizes what I'm saying, "Amnesia, and no one knew how to break through to him."

Unlike Gibbs, who'd had not just Ziva, but also the director to help his memory come back, my dad had somehow managed to travel to Colorado. He'd been beaten several times and left for dead in a gutter behind a restaurant that was being renovated. The owner had come out and the man known only as Bertie Mackay slowly regained his health in a small hospital near Aspen, Colorado. Once out of the hospital, the restaurant owner offered him a job as a line cook first and then as an assistant manager.

"How did you finally find him?" Gibbs asks.

"We were visiting other relatives just before I was supposed to start MIT and they mentioned the restaurant. Dad had come whistling through the door. I remember staring at him wondering why he didn't say hello or anything and then he'd walked back into the kitchen.

Sarah had been heartbroken and Mom had tears running down her face. I'd stormed into the back room and he still hadn't known who I was. We stayed there for two more weeks; getting more and more frustrated. Nothing happened to break through to him and then his boss had returned from an assignment overseas. She'd taken one look at the four of us and known immediately who we were, what to do and how to reactivate dad's memory.

It's not your drinking I'm afraid of Gibbs." I look up into his blue eyes and he nods as he tries to grasp what I'm telling him.

"You're afraid that one day I won't recognize you when I come home."


End file.
